How to notice your defence mechanisms in everyday life

The idea of psychological defence mechanisms has moved from therapy into everyday language. Most people now know what it means to look “defensive,” to “project,” or to be “in denial.” But long before these terms became common, Sigmund Freud was exploring the hidden mental processes that protect us from emotional discomfort.

In his early work, Studies on Hysteria (1895), Freud suggested that the mind automatically defends itself against thoughts and feelings that feel threatening. These defences are not deliberate. They happen on their own, yet they shape our reactions and relationships every day.

So how do you actually notice your defence mechanisms in action? Here is a guide to spotting some of the most common ones in everyday life.

Repression

Repression happens when the mind pushes away painful memories, uncomfortable desires, or distressing emotions to keep them out of awareness. This is different from choosing not to think about something; repression happens automatically. In both film and literature, repression drives plot tension and character development.

Everyday example:
You insist you are not upset about a breakup, yet you can’t remember important conversations from the final weeks.

Literary example:
In Hamlet by William Shakespeare, Hamlet represses his anger and grief about his father’s murder. This inner conflict paralyses him and prevents him from taking action.

Denial

Denial protects you by rejecting facts that feel overwhelming or painful to accept.

Everyday example:
Ignoring rising stress or health symptoms because accepting them would require big changes.

Film example:

Breaking Bad offers a powerful example of denial as a defence mechanism through the character of Walter White. When Walter is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, he denies the seriousness of his condition by insisting he is OK and continuing to live as though nothing has changed. He denies that his meth production is about greed or ego, repeatedly claiming it’s “for his family.” Walter denies responsibility for the harm he causes, including violence and deaths, by reframing himself as a victim of circumstance.

Projection

Projection happens when you attribute your own uncomfortable feelings to someone else. It allows you to avoid facing something difficult inside yourself.

Everyday examples:

Someone who worries about their own loyalty accuses their partner of cheating.

Or a parent who feels ashamed of their career may project that anxiety onto their child by calling them “lazy” or “unmotivated.”

Literary example:
In Othello by William Shakespeare, Iago projects his own jealousy and deceit onto others, leading Othello to believe Desdemona is unfaithful.

Displacement

Displacement occurs when strong feelings, often anger, are redirected from the actual source to someone safer or less threatening.

Everyday examples:

After being criticised at work, you come home and snap at your family over something minor. Or channelling frustration into intense workouts or competitive sports (a healthier form of displacement).

Literary example:
In Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller, Willy Loman redirects his frustration about his failing career onto his family.

Reaction Formation

Reaction formation occurs when someone hides an uncomfortable feeling by behaving in the opposite way.

Everyday example:
Giving exaggerated praise to a friend whose success makes you feel jealous or threatened.

Literary example:
In Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Elizabeth Bennet’s early hostility toward Mr. Darcy hides her underlying attraction.

Splitting

Splitting is a black-and-white way of seeing people or situations, with no middle ground. It often shows up when someone feels emotionally overwhelmed.

Everyday example:
After one argument, deciding that a long-time friend is suddenly “toxic.”

Cultural example:
Political debates often split public figures into heroes or villains, ignoring complexity.

Film example:
In Black Swan, Nina sees herself as either the perfect “White Swan” or the corrupted “Black Swan,” and her inability to integrate both sides leads to psychological collapse.

Idealisation

Idealisation is when someone sees another person as perfect, ignoring their flaws. This can feel good at first, but often leads to disappointment when reality sets in.

Everyday example:
Believing a new partner can do no wrong, only to feel shocked when their imperfections appear.

Film example:
In Good Will Hunting, Will initially idealises Skylar but struggles when confronted with her real, human flaws.

Why does it help to notice these patterns

Defence mechanisms are not bad; they are part of being human. They protect us from anxiety, help us cope during overwhelming moments, and give us time to process difficult emotions. But when they operate entirely outside our awareness, they can distort relationships and keep us stuck.

To recognise them in daily life, try asking yourself:

• What emotion might I be avoiding right now?

• Does my reaction fit the situation?

• Is this really about the present moment, or is it tied to something from the past?

The more you notice your defence mechanisms, the more freedom you have to respond thoughtfully, rather than being ruled by automatic patterns.